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16 July 2009 @ 12:50 am
I was talking to a guy friend of mine, (who actually was a stranger until earlier today, but I'll explain that in a sec...), who was telling me about an unusual confrontation with a homosexual. Apparently, Chris (aka the guy friend) has a thing for skinny dipping in the local rivers. So he's doing his thing, having a good time, when this ranger calls out to him. The first thing that makes Chris's gay-dar go off is the ranger's high lisping. So this ranger keeps hollering at him to come out of the water while my friend blatantly refuses, quite uncomfortable by the whole situation, and continues to swim down river to get to his clothes safely and out of eye sight of any gay ranger. So when he finished his story, dear old Chris proceeded to hide his eyes behind his hand and shake his head solemnly.

Mmmm...I'm munching on baklava in between sentences...it's very sticky. It's the most delicious tooth-rot that will ever grace your lips.

Ah, Chris. Allow me to explain. I was working at the music store today and my cohort and I are extremely bored as the store is very much dead. Then in walks this mildly attractive young man-25 years at most-and I'm thinking 'I'm going to start a conversation with this guy before he leaves if it kills me.' So he heads over to the horror section of dvds and I'm going through all the things I can mention about horror. So I ask him if he's looking for anything specific and casually add that the new Friday the 13th is coming out in June. I was also quick to add that I'm a big fan of Romero films and that he should check them out if he hadn't already. (Of course he had. Who hasn't?)
I leave him be to look afterwards, as I didn't want to come on too strong. Once he comes up to the register I proceed to ask him about the new horror film in theaters, the movies he's buying, and whatever else I can think of dealing with horror. )I'm so happy I'm a little experienced in that category. That's the good thing about working at an entertainment store-there's always an easy topic available for you to talk about.) The next thing I know, we're rambling on for the next hour-much to the displeasure of my boss-and we're just talking about everything.

So it's going pretty well until he mentions in the middle of the conversation that he's 30 years old. I think I kinda choked a little as I thought to myself, "Sh**. I'm totally hitting on a guy who has over a decade on me." And I'm not completely retarded-I wouldn't go up to some random guy without trying to estimate his age. So apparently he's lying or age has treated him very VERY well. Not that my first intention was to date the guy. Weather he was 25 or 19, I'm just not dating right now either way. Luckily, he really seemed genuinely interested in just talking and having a good time. So I thought, 'what the hell' and gave him my number. If worse comes to worse, we'll just stop talking and that'll be that. He's very new to Florida and doesn't know anybody, so I thought I'd give him someone to talk to. (F.Y.I. He never called.)


So I just finished working out and I am currently enjoying a snack of cucumbers and dressing. I watched a few cartoons when I woke up this morning but I just got bored. I have the house to myself right now, and that's not normal. I might drive out to the beach later if the weather cooperates. I had a dream last night dealt with me making out with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson...the guy has a great smile but, other than that, he does nothing for me. Weird.

Gah!! Stupid homework. I hate online assignments. The page wont allow itself to be downloaded half the time and there are only so many computers I have access too. *grumble* I'll go play video games later. We all have a little geek in us.

Easter wasn't eventful. The family came over for drinks and conversation, the kids played video games, and we all enjoyed deviled eggs and baked ham. No Easter egg hunt this year-shucks.

I'm in a delima. I'm lost in love. It all started when I met this guy two years and two months ago. Blond hair, blue eyes, mysterious aura, intelligent, strong arms, bright smile, mature for his age. A guy straight from my dreams. We hit it off really well, always talked about our problems, emotionally and physically passionate about each other, ect ect...I guess after the first year, people tended to get a little iffy about our relationship-parents and close friends alike. Reason being is that I have experience in dating other people while Chad does not. It was never a real issue when it came down to the two of us. The boy caught on quick. Though he was always hesitant to take control. Whatever-I'll take the lead until he's comfortable. We've had very memorable times and heart-wrenching times and feelings led to what I could only define as love.

A little over three weeks ago, Chad tells me that I've been very moody lately, toting an attitude of one who doesn't give a shit about anything, and that he can't seem to do anything to make me happy. First of all, Chad attends the University of Florida, is jobless, and thrives off of a plentiful amount of scholarships. (Lucky bastard.) I work two part-time jobs and attend the local community college while paying for car insurance and phone bills and an occasional class and pile of books. Fortunately, my parents let me live at home for free. God bless them. I think it's fair to say that my stress level exceeds Chads exponentially and that I am entitled to a phase where I am particularly pissy. During this time (a span of no more than three months maybe), Chad had time to debate with himself over whether or not he wanted to commit to me without having dated other women. I don't necessarily blame him. I want him to be sure of himself. However, I can't help but feel the coaxing of his friends and his mother influenced his decision. Chad is a very logical person. I'm a very easy-going person. I'm instinctual. I believe his decision that we should date other people so we're entirely sure, (cross that-so HE'S entirely sure), of what we want was completely based off what seems logical to him, and not what felt right. wtf? I told my friend the other day that I was completely happy with life. That I'm able to go through each day completely at ease with myself. But then she asked me if I really was happy or if I was just trying to convince myself I was happy. And I couldn't answer.

Chad and I haven't spoken to each other in a little over a week-in any way, shape, or form. There's never been a day since we started dating that we didn't talk. But that was my decision. I decided that after the "break-up" I couldn't just be his buddy. Because after all we went through together and after all the time spent on our relationship, it was just painful-knowing I wasn't "with" him. So I decided that either we had to solve our problems as a couple, or we needed to stop communicating until he decided what he wants. He agreed and as of last Saturday, I've felt like my life is at some kind of stand-still. I don't show it at work or around my friends or even to myself. I but it's like that feeling you get when you leave the house to go to work or school. And as you're driving, you get this inkling feeling that you forgot something, but you can't figure out for the life of you what that something is. It's like I have that feeling all the time now, except I know what's missing. It's just intangible, and all I can do is wait.

Damn....I thought this crap only happened in the movies. I've confided in friends and family about this. I've talked to my best guy friend-but he's biased because he's been in love with me since the 6th grade. I've talked to girlfriends, but the problem is that that they always have your back no matter who's at fault. So I guess I'm needing an outside perspective on all this. I guess I've just been waiting to share it with the right person. I know I'll get through this. I'm trying to play the "If it's meant to be, it's meant to be" card. And that's fine by me.

I just got back from dinner with Kelly. I bought myself some lilies while we were out. Yellow ones. I'm a sucker for lilies. I'd like to name my daughter Lily, should I have a daughter one day. I think I had one of those dreams where you see your future child a few months ago. It was really cool. I just knew that the little toddler I was seeing was my future child-and oh was she gorgeous. She had this sleek chocolate brown hair that curled at the nape of her neck, and the most intelligent, shining blues eyes I'd ever seen. I think I knew she was mine because she had my nose. It's an interesting notion.

So in the next year, I'm thinking about moving to St. Pete beach. I'll be going to college there, which will be nice, and perhaps their will be guys there worth my time. I was considering moving to Gainesville for a while-the college party capital of Florida-in order to be closer to my "not-so-significant other" but the people there just aren't my cup of tea. And I've decided as of late that nothing's going to happen with 'him'. Despite that, I'm probably going to bring Kelly to Gainesville with me because they have a great mall and a Coldstone. And I need to stop hanging out with guys for a change.

Well, ever since my little mishap with "Mr. Man", I've certainly had more time for myself. It's too bad I'm just now starting to see the joys of it. Being single isn't so bad tho. I've met a lot of cool people within the few months and I'm all the better because of it. Out of the many I've met, a particularly eccentric gentleman made quite an impression on me. I've never been a very religious person. I believe in a 'higher being' (whatever you wish to name it-God, Budda, Messiah, ect. I think every religion has the same general idea) and I believe in a heaven and hell. And I believe everything in the world is centralized around how things are balanced. Good and evil, right and wrong, love and hate, ect. But try relaying that onto a Jehova Witness and it's like telling a mule to bake a cake. Anyways, as nice as this man was, he was very spiritual and became quickly infatuated with me. Naturally, I was taken aback, wondering if my shampoo or something was messing with his senses. So we shared many thoughts and feelings and I finally convinced him that I wasn't interested in a relationship. It was considerable difficult explaining this to a 25 year old man who has never even kissed a girl before. Scary. I visited his house a few times. His mother proved to be an almost masochistic character who enjoyed watching shows about pedophiles and over weight teenagers. A part of me truly believes that she thought I was the anti-Christ, bent on stealing her son's virtue. Good times. We still talk from time to time, but we're both content on giving each other space...lots and lots of it.

I've been watching a lot of Disney movies. Yay for symbolism! It's interesting seeing all the things that you've seen as a child, but finally being able to understand all the things your parents refused to explain to you at the time. The Hunchback of Notre Dame is a favorite of mine. It's got to be one of the most intense Disney animations. Rated G? Seriously?

I liked Matthew McConaughey in 'How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days'. He was on a role for a while, but even since 'The Surfer' I think he's taken a tumble. Star Treck was alright. Scotty was portrayed beautifully. I love Simon Pegg. I've been with Star Treck ever since my preschool days. My dad watched that show like a middle aged woman watches soap operas. If you haven't seen 'The Curious Case of Benjamen Button' it's definitely worth checking out. It was the only film I actually enjoyed that won a few awards. And kudos to Kate Winslet. She's amazing. And who can pass up Hugh Jackman singing as if he were on Broadway again? Classy.


After a mini vacation following a 52 hour work week, I can say I'm doing pretty well. Translation: I haven't done anything for three days. I did make plans to go to a Medieval Times show in Orlando, but my four person party turned into a two person party and it went downhill from there. So my friend recommended staying at Daytona beach for the weekend with a few of his buddies. But the idea of taking a three hour ride in my 15 year old car didn't appeal to me. Daytona isn't that great anyway. It's nice for the board walk but the area tends to attract druggies and college drop-outs. In the end, my buddies Kelly, Pat, Randal, and Jason decided Friday would be the perfect day to get me drunk for the first time in my life. So we had a bonfire and I drowned myself in Smirnoff and Malabo while they had a few laughs at my galabanting around in the sand. Naturally we got rained out and then I was escorted to Kelly's front porch where I was denied any more booze and was followed to the bathroom every two minutes like a small child in potty training. I think I handled myself rather well. But it's no fun when you're the only one making an ass out of yourself. Things are looking good for next Friday tho.

Since then, I've been having my fill of the new Sims 3 game. The first thing I did was immediately put together a household comprised of George Washington, Hugh Jackman, Sheva from RE5, and myself. George is totally lazy, Hugh is a star Athlete, and Sheva is starting a career as a master criminal. I'm on my way to becoming a 5 star chef.

Oh. Almost forgo. These past few weeks have been full of firsts for me. Like one of my guy friends trying to physically take advantage of me through use of pity-me stories and distressing references to each others past relationships. It worked for a little bit. And then I said the magic word: no. Which was followed by my best friend since 6th grade knocking on the door at three in the morning demanding where I am and if I'm okay. Which was followed by a phone call from my ex-boyfriend of two years, which was followed by a four in the morning visit by my ex-boyfriend , which was followed by me realizing I trust guys way too much. The guy had rank breath too. Gross. I'm glad to say I was able to walk out of that apartment with my virtue still intact. I've gotta get out of this town.


So last week I had another "first". A trip to the ER. Good times. I was opening up at FYE by myself and I was fine and dandy. I had a maple donut and sweet tea for breakfast and I had Josh Groban in the player and I got a special order my first customer. (Drivers we call them-the things you're forced to get when you work for retail, otherwise you loose your job for poor effort. Bah.) Then the store died with the exception of one middle aged man in the back, so I tried to keep myself busy at the counter. A few minutes later I start having trouble breathing so I bent over and put my hands on my knees, because that usually helps. I even sat down behind the counter. Now, I don't have a history of passing out and I've never had high blood pleasure so I was kinda thinking I was going to die or something. So I called my boss Kristen, thinking I was going to pass out. So I grabbed the bar used to pull down the gate and was about to get the one guy's attention when I practically collapsed. The sound of the bar hitting the ground get's the man's attention and he runs over to find me on the ground hyperventilating. He was calm about it. Told me to breath through my nose and out my mouth while I told him to call security. Next thing I know, I'm on a stretcher, being carted into an ambulance. A rather attractive paramedic rode with me in the back and asked me all the usual questions and then he told me he was going to have to give me an IV.

I'm like, "Is that really necessary?"

And he's says, "Well, if you don't, then you're refusing medical advice."

And I come back to him with, "Then I'm going to refuse your medical advice. I don't do needles."

Unfortunately he replies with, "It's either you do it here or at the hospital."

So I distracted myself by calling mu buddy Pat while he digs in and he's like, "See? That wasn't so bad."

"Yes it was."

Anyways, by the time I get there, I'm ready to go back to work but they have to do blood and urine tests and all that good stuff. Mom, Dad, and Pat is there to greet me. A few different employees come to check on me in the course of an hour. One woman tells me she'll need to take blood, but she can just take it from the IV. Then another woman comes by telling me the same thing, except she takes out another needle.

"Woah. Woah. There was a lady who said you could take it out of this." I point to the contraption dug under my skin.

The short woman was kind of snotty and seemed like she had been at the hospital too long. "Well, I'm not the person who does that."

Huh...that's easy to fix. "Then can you find the woman who does, please?" Jeeze...I am not a freakin pin cushion.

Anyways, the doctors concluded that I have a severe UTI which led to an anxiety attack. You would think I would know about something like that. Better to not suffer, I guess. They wound up putting me on antibiotics for something I wasn't even sure I had, and I went back to work later. It was quite an experience to say the least.

Yesterday was nice. I slept in until two then had Pat over. We made some mudslides and watched Transformers on the HDTV. (That's so satisfying to say.) I can't wait for the second film. Then we had hamburgers, ice cream, and played Bioshock into the wee hours of the morning. I'm regretting that now, however, as I have to get ready for work soon. I doubt I have much to worry about though. I work at the coffee shop today and it'll probably be more dead than the 90s.


Wow...bad month for me, I gotta tell you. But I'm changing for the better, and that's the good part. I've been reading this breakup book my friend got me (sad I know), and the book recommended that I undergo a "transformation."­ So as soon as I got home, I cleaned like a mad woman and rearranged the furniture in my room. And I cleaned out my closet. What a chore...I found...old pottery from my sophomore year of high school (I wan't very good)..​.Old sheets, Christmas hats, an old winter jacket, my old cell phone and lots of dust. And a big spider, but I killed it. It took me two days to clean it thoroughly and I wound up with 6 trash bags full of junk. Four of which are going to Goodwill and the other two are garbage. I'm so proud of myself. lol And now I'm really sore. I'm also planning on a paint job. I'm thinking an orange and yellow-ish color scheme. We'll see how it goes.

Speaking of transformation, I saw Transformers​­ 2 the other day at Downtown Disney! They have one of those AMC theaters. My first movie in one. They have really comfy seats. I really liked it. I was a nice 'change' from that damnable theater in our tent mall. Bublebee was as cute as ever and it seemed a lot more humorous despite the circumstance​­s. Can't wait till it comes out. Did you know Tim Burton is coming out with his version of Alice in Wonderland? Johnny Depp is going to be the Mad Hatter. I'm really stoked about that. I'm a big fan of the Cheshire Cat so that would be cool. And I love the books.

Man...I have the biggest urge to go to the Cheese Cake Factory. It's been a while. And I can't get enough of their shrimp clubs. Mmm. That menu they have is really BIG isn't it? All the Adverts were a little too impressive for me...However, it makes me feel like not only are they charging me too much, but they're making money on my looking at the menu at the same time. If they're going to sell advertising in the menu, they should subsidize the prices of the food with that income... Either that, or don't subject me to that... Not when I'm paying to be there...silly people.

I was supposed to have a date yesterday. My buddy of eight years recommended us to each other. I formally introduced myself to him at work and found out that he's going to school for psychology and plans on going into the navy. Smart. That's always good. Has a job. Another plus. He knew how to keep a conversation and asked me out for coffee. I figured it would be healthy for me so I gladly accepted. So, the morning of the date, I wake up with a sore throat, but I figure I'll just battle it out for the day and suck on some cough drops. I had a hair appointment that day anyways with a girlfriend. (Part of the transformation thing.) Nothing too drastic. I got some highlights and trimmed by bangs. And I'm very satisfied with the outcome. So I get home ten minutes before he's supposed to pick me up and I get dressed all nice and doll up my face. (By this time, I'm miserable. My throat is killing me and I'm achy all over.) I lay on my mom's bed for two hours, waiting for a phone call, before it finally registers that I got stood up. Classy. At that point, I didn't really care because I felt so crappy and was running a fever. The next day I find out I have strep throat. Awesome. Then again, maybe it's a sign. As it turns out, "Mr. Dude" sent me a message on myspace stating very simply that "he was very busy and needed to reschedule". The day of? I don't think so. So I calmly replied that a phone call would have been a bit more considerate (as I don't live on my computer and I notified him of my hair appointment) and that he can make plans with someone else. I've been dissapointed enough, thank you. I'm thinking I should definitely wait until I move to start dating again.

On a side note, were you ever one of those kids who felt the need to sleep in Mom and Dad's bed when you were sick? All of my siblings have gone through it and apparently I haven't grown out of it yet. Maybe it's a comfort thing. The woman at the doctors office said she's 22 and still calls her mom or visits her when she's sick. So I haven't had any solid food in over a day, so I think I'm going to force feed myself.
Current Mood: nostalgicnostalgic
Current Music: Adele
19 April 2009 @ 09:16 pm
So I just finished working out and I am currently enjoying a snack of cucumbers and dressing. I watched a few cartoons when I woke up this morning but I just got bored. I have the house to myself right now, and that's not normal. I might drive out to the beach later if the weather cooperates.

I had last night that delt with me making out with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson...the guy has a great smile but, other than that, he does nothing for me. Wierd.

Gah!! Stupid homework. I hate online assignments. The page wont allow itself to be downloaded half the time and there are only so many computers I have access too. *grumble* I'll go play video games later. We all have a little geek in us.

My easter wasn't eventful. The family came over for drinks and conversation, the kids played video games, and we all enjoyed deviled eggs and baked ham. No easter egg hunt this year-shucks.
24 March 2009 @ 12:11 am
I'm so scared right now. I feel like I'm slowly loosing him. How the hell did I not see this coming? I don't know what to do. I feel like I've just screwed everything up and I didn't even realize it until now. He's never been so upset and angry...I want to do something to help...but I dunno if it'll just make things worse or not. Everything I'm doing lately seems to upset him. Am I really that dense? This all snuck up on me...I dunno what to do...I don't want to loose him.
23 March 2009 @ 10:47 pm
So, I'm a little late with the Ani DiFranco concert update. *le sigh* Great show overall with the exception of a few lesbian drunks and dred heads. First up: Toshi Reagon! I was all like "wtf?" And then "she" came out. I was aware of her sex until Chad actually poited it out to me. Woah dang! Really?

Ok ok....So I was obviously a little confused. I finally got a chance to check out Toshi's profile on Myspace, and she's one of those who sounds better on stage than off. Ani DiFranco, however, is amazing anywhere she is. Although she only played an estimated ten songs, she played four of my favorites and one about our new prez! An Obama tribute by Ani=nothing short of greatness.

What a hippie.
Current Mood: calmContent
Current Music: Toshi a.k.a BIG Love
10 March 2009 @ 01:44 am
(Intro / Both Guitars / Drums)
(Guitar 1 Muted / Guitar 2 Melody)

(Verse 1)

"It's 3:35 AM and I wish you were here.

Just woke up, is the daylight near?

Been a really long week full of really short days.

Heart's in a tree and my mind's in a maze.

By day I'm a man and my eyes see the blue,

By night I'm a boy and I can't find you.

Take me or leave me, the future's a blur.

And I ask myself, "What's this all mean to her?"

(Guitars and Drums Repeat Intro)
(Chorus 1)

"I've got goldfish syndrome

I've got pockets with holes

I can't stay happy when she's buried in gold

There's no guarantee the stars in my eyes are real.

But she sounds so honest about how she feels."

(Guitars and Drums Repeat Verse 1)
(Verse 2)

"What does it mean when someone tells me

It's in my best interest to think soundly?

How do you solve a problem like Maria when

Anyway you look at her she's a perfect ten?

Why, in the best of all lights

Do we scorn ourselves with all of our might?

When will the ceiling open up to the sky

And when will everyone forget just how high (pause) we are?"

(Pause / Drum Build)
(Guitars and Drums Repeat Chorus 1)
(Chorus 2)

"I'm a bit too moody

I'm a half hour late

I can't remember who she first dated

There's no guarantee my potential will out

But she says she loves me (pause), no doubt"-->

-->(Big Outro)-->
(Slows / Soft)

"She says she loves me..."

"Says she loves me..."


"She loves me..."
07 March 2009 @ 12:24 am
A walk in the park.
A spontaneous nature trail.
A cinematic beauty scene.

*le sigh*

More violence.
More penis.
Some boobs.
Ironically peaceful ending.
Pretty good movie.

Walk to car.
Long chat.
Comparison on celebrity bodies to normal people.
Warm again.

*le sigh*

Current Mood: goodgood
04 March 2009 @ 11:03 pm
So I bought Alstralia today on Blu-Ray. Aaaaaaaaand I played a demo of Killzone 2. I choked a little on awsome. Got a take-home math test. That was unexpected. And I want to own this indie film:

03 March 2009 @ 05:36 pm
Great start to Pat, Jason, and I's adventure: I ripped off the pannling of Pat's car as I went to pull the door closed. Classy...it's all good! We had gorilla tape!

So I spent a whole paycheck's worth at Downtown Disney...HELL YEA! Finally got to go to the two story Virgin store. (FYI: Don't tell my boss at FYE...) They have a crap load of graphic novels. Got my fortune read by a guy with a huge stache. Withheld any candy temptations for twelve hours straight. Eat your heart out females of the world! I totally love the Disney store. But that's not important-

OMG! The concert! Great spot, great lights, great music. Wa! So grawesome! Started the night off with Anarbor. They were iffy. I definetly screamed the loudest for Every Avenue. Google them. NOW. I think they sound better live than on the album-that's a first. Cute Is What We Aim For on the other hand...total opposite. Stick to the CD ladies and gentlemen. Of course, I should take into consideration that the entire populace of The House of Blues was singing along and may have contributed to the crappy sound. XP

As a last note: Don't dine at the House of Blues an hour before they close. The chefs get lazy.
Current Mood: awakeAwake...for now.
Current Music: Every Avenue-A Story to Tell Your Friends
25 February 2009 @ 12:07 am
Nouveau Clip : La Lettre
Current Music: French
23 February 2009 @ 01:15 am
So how about Sean Penn and Kate Winslet? Totally rooting for them both. I screamed a little for Kate. Love that girl.

You'd be a liar if you said you didn't AT LEAST tear up when Heath Ledger won that Oscar. We all saw it coming and he damn well deserved it.

And wtf is up with Slumdog Millionaire? Has anyone even seen that movie? It's the whole 'diversity' thing working for them I guess. Needless to say, I'm going to have to see the movie now.

I commend Wall-E for it's well-deserved oscar for best animated picture. Bravo.

Most importantly, Hugh Jackman's hosting skills were very much kick ass. Hottness at it's greatest. The musical montage had me giggling like a pre-pubescent school girl. And, I might add, Anne Hathaway does indeed have a beautiful voice.

FYI: Chad and I doing voice over's of acceptance speeches was a total plus. "Someone help me off the stage. I cannot breathe in this suit." lololol!

(Did anyone else notice how big Angelina Joelie's rocks were? I wonder if they were real...)
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: *yawn*